Wow - it's been 51 weeks since I've posted anything on this blog. And it's been a tough 51 weeks.
A year ago, I had downsized dramatically from the life I once had. I thought all that was left to do would be to adjust to my new, diminished standard of living. Forget about the expensive toys, and savor the simple things. A year ago, I thought "I can do that."
If only it were that easy. Another of my clients has gone out of business, and my incredibly shrinking finances have continued shambling down Destitution Lane, to the point where I don't know if I will be able to continue to pay my bills.
The worst part about my situation is the physical stress. It lodges like a knot in my stomach and affects me physically. It adds to my confusion. I know I need to do something different, but what? Put on an orange vest and go work at a big box hardware store? Go play my fiddle on the street for coins? Go back to school - and if so, to do what?
I chose graphic design 30 years ago. I studied it, built a career doing it. Poof! It's all but gone. One of the guys I went to school with had a prosperous design business with his wife - they're gluten-free bakers now. Another colleague is barely meeting business expenses, and is trying to get a non-profit off the ground.
The most productive thing in my life these days are our half dozen chickens, who lay 5-6 eggs per day. But a couple dozen eggs per week doesn't pay the bills.
People tell me to be grateful, to dream big, to find hope, to seek solutions that will help me climb out of this morass. Easy to say.
When I started this blog, I swore I would keep it upbeat, focus on solutions, help others in the same predicament. Not today. Today I give in to despair. Maybe tomorrow I can do all that enlightened stuff?