Return to Bliss (formerly The Experiment) Days 2-5

It's day six of the return of The Experiment, and I'm just now getting around to my second blog post about it. I'm glad to say it's because my workload has increased dramatically since we started The Experiment last Fall, though it's been challenging to keep up with the tasks this week.

First off, at breakfast, Rebecca and I discussed a name change for our little project. We took into account some of the suggestions that people offered (thank you all!), and arrived at "Return To Bliss", which Rebecca agreed is her objective. I like that it can simply be abbreviated as R2B, (even though some might confuse the acronym with a Star Wars android).

Back to the week's tasks:

Day Two - Only one task, and I was successful in completing it. I wrote a poem about a river. In pencil, for some reason - I guess Rebecca thought it would be a more organic way to write than pecking it out on my iPad.

 I've been asked to write a poem before, and last time, I don't think I posted it. The critic in me tells me, "Don't you dare publish that thing on your blog! It's primitive, uninspired crap, don't you know?" And maybe it is. But posting it here is, in essence, my way of firing a salvo back at that pesky critic and telling him to drink a big steaming mug of STFU!  So here's my poem - published for all to see, you pernicious little critic. Take that!

Day Three - I didn't stare into a candle on Day One, so Rebecca added the task again. And again, I didn't do it.

I may have had 3 conversations when I didn't mention myself, but I didn't consciously complete that task, so I expect it will be repeated on a future task sheet.

I did meditate - both at home, and in the dentist's chair. While having a molar ground down for a crown, I visualized dancing around the house with Beth and Rebecca because I had just received my first residual check for a book I had written. The amount on the check was $4,300,000. I pictured living in my dream house, traveling, sending Rebecca to the university of her choice. And the best part of the fantasy was that it was only the first check of many to come. The dentist and her assistant both commented on what a great patient I was - one of the most relaxed they'd had in weeks! Visions of sugar plums will do that.

Day Four - Damn, there's that candle again. I really didn't want to take 15 minutes and stare at a candle flame. I guess I'm digging in my heels on this one. I wonder why?

I stayed off Facebook all day. It wasn't that hard. What with all the insidious new filtering schemes, Facebook is not as alluring as it once was.

There was only one occasion when Rebecca interrupted me while I was working, and I complied with the task. Interruptions are a tough one for me. I work in a main area of the house, and there are constant interruptions. This task reminds me I really have to get cracking on renovating our outbuilding so I can have an office space.

Day Five - If you look, Rebecca's candle drawings became more persistent each day I failed to complete this task. Finally, on Day Five, I did it - with a real candle, not the iPad. And you know what? 15 minutes went by much more quickly than I thought it would. While I stared at the flame, I visualized handling a tricky client with compassion and care, and resolving our impasse that way. Not bad!

I am still awaiting my task sheet for today, Day 6. Hopefully next week, I can make more frequent blog posts about Return To Bliss! Until next time.

The Experiment: It's Back On!

Imagine my surprise when daughter Rebecca handed me a note yesterday. I expected it to say something like "I love you, Daddy!", but instead it was a resumption of The Experiment we started last Fall.

For those of you who didn't follow The Experiment, it began when I was looking for an interesting way to shake up my morose and grumpy attitude, shake off some stress and introduce a little more fun and whimsy into my life. So I asked my daughter (who is nothing but fun and whimsy), if she would assist me.

I asked her to assign me daily tasks that I would agree to complete. It started out as a week-long commitment, but once the week had ended, it felt like we were just getting warmed up. So we extended The Experiment to last an entire month.

It was a fun month, and I completed about 90% of the tasks. And it was a success: after The Experiment ended, I was more joyful and less stressed. And I've been that way ever since. And, the tasks provided more opportunities for Rebecca and I to spend time together.

Rebecca and I discussed whether we should resume The Experiment since it was so fruitful. We hadn't set a start date or hashed out the details, but when she brought me the first task, I said to myself, "OK, here we go!" This time, I'm starting out feeling pretty good overall, so it feels more like exploration and fun than a quest to eradicate a bad condition.

Here's how I fared on Day One:

I didn't stare at the candle. I meant to, but I had just gotten my first smartphone around 5pm and I spent too much of the evening gazing at its screen instead, figuring out settings and such. Sorry!

I accomplished Tasks 2 and 3...well, maybe the jury's out on Task 2. It was a hectic day and I didn't consciously take an hour off work, but I am participating in Winter Feast for the Soul again this year (40 days of meditation) - so I did take an hour off to meditate. Does that count?

By the time I thought about telling 3 different family members that I loved them, it was dinner time. I told Beth and Rebecca I loved them, and then thought about who on the West Coast I would call. Rebecca cracked a mischievous grin and suggested that I think about the task a little more creatively. I pondered for awhile, with a few subtle clues, finally realized that I could tell myself I loved me! Apparently, that was the solution Rebecca hoped I would find, and she danced a little end-zone-style dance after I figured it out.

Tomorrow, I'll post the results for Day Two's tasks.

I'm also looking for a better name for this exercise. "The Experiment" doesn't seem to fit any more. It seems like we're past the beta testing phase with this practice, and the evolution of it deserves a better moniker. Got any ideas?

The Paper Trail

Today, I organized and packed away all my 2011 paperwork: receipts, business documents, bills, contracts, etc. Everything was sorted into its own manila envelope and tucked into a banker's box for storage.

I usually dread this chore - because I still remember how much work it takes. But the problem is, I'm thinking back to 5-10 years ago! Back then, it was an 8+ hour chore, longer if I hadn't already done some mid-year sorting.

Today, it took me less than two hours!

I considered why my pile of business paper is so much smaller than it used to be. Easily 75% of the transactions and work that once required  me to generate paper to archive are done on the computer.

I pay almost all my bills on the computer. I still must write one physical check per month, and I procrastinate because I have to pull out that clunky binder, scrawl with an analog writing device, tear out the check, and then fish for an envelope and 44¢ stamp.

Overnight delivery is another relic I rarely use nowadays. Thanks to broadband internet, I can send massive computer files to printers anywhere in the country. Clients send me scans instead of physical photographs. I once used overnight services on a daily basis - now I use them around a half dozen times a year. And at the end of the year, I no longer have an inch-thick wad of receipts. Better yet, I'm no longer responsible for the consumption of countless gallons of fuel by jets and trucks.

I still have a printer, but it no longer needs to be the workhorse it once was. I save documents to PDF, and resort to print a few times a week. And when I do, I print on both sides of the paper before it goes into the recycling bin.

Is it good that my business and personal life require so much less paper? For the trees, definitely! But since I handle so many transactions sitting alone at my computer, I don't get out as often because I don't need to. The paperless world is a lot lonelier.

I've been thinking about how I miss the daily newspaper. In earlier decades, I loved hearing the early-morning thunk of the paper arriving at my doorstep - it was my alarm clock many mornings. And I miss the practice of receiving doses of information at a few daily intervals: in the morning with the arrival of the newspaper - and later in the evening, with the evening news broadcast. Somehow, it created more opportunity to discuss the day's news with others.

But the newspaper had its downside, too: I recalled how some people used the unfurled newspaper as a barricade in order to avoid contact. But I guess that barricade hasn't gone away- today, it exists in the form of bowed heads transfixed as if in prayer by the glow of smart phones and electronic tablets.

And though we spend more time in isolation thanks to the electronic world, we have less privacy. More companies have access to the minute details of our financial transactions than ever before. At best, we're giving them free marketing information. At worst, some of the information gathered could be used against us someday.

I suppose the transition from paper to electronics is a mixed bag. I delight in knowing that we're sacrificing less trees to the paper mill. But I miss the opportunities for human contact that accompanied the paper-based world. Maybe the solution is to call some folks and schedule a group hike on a path that winds through all those wonderful trees?

Stocking Up For The Holidays

It's two days after Christmas. I've eaten more in 3 days' time than I usually do in a week. The fridge is still bursting with food, and I ponder all this overconsumption wondering, "What was I thinking?"

What is it about the mania leading up to Christmas that is so attractive to me?

I have to admit that I love it all: stocking up for a big feast, buying and wrapping the last presents, prepping firewood, festooning the house with decorations. And especially wandering amongst gaggles of people sharing the same pursuits.

This year, it all led up to a great Christmas Eve with family and friends around the bonfire, eating eggplant casserole and homemade caramels, performing songs by the firelight, laughing and joking. It was perfect!

However, this magical evening could have been accomplished with half the prep. I overstocked, to be honest. The cooler in my shed is still swimming with high-gravity beer. I still can't see the back of the refrigerator.

I wonder if I'm holding onto some centuries-old past-life memory - from a time when preparing for harsh winters was serious business? A time when adequate harvests and and a cellar full of root vegetables and preserved meat were necessary for survival? 

There is something I love about seeing cords and cords of firewood neatly stacked, a larder full of food, a refrigerator bursting at the seams. These elements served people well in past centuries, but they aren’t necessary now. Still, I cling to the practice of stocking up, prepping for a long stretch of time when I can’t replenish my supplies. 

Why do I do it, even though I know the stores barely close for holidays?

Yes, the marketeers still inundate us with holiday messages reminding us to buy the feast, stuff those stockings, to make triply sure we have everything we need – and then some. Because if we forget one critical item, Christmas won't be as perfect as it could be. I'm too smart to fall for that ploy, aren't I? Yet somehow, these advertising tricks tickle my primordial urges to stock up so effectively that I abandon reason and go on a spree almost every year.

I need to remember that “enough” is a much smaller quantity than it used to be. Hopefully in this case, awareness is the first step toward change. 

I think I'll take a few photos of all the extra provisions I still have laying around the house today, so I'll prepare a little less next time. And hey, around mid-December next year, would someone please remind me of this post?

What is Enough?

I'm going to take a break today from The Experiment and talk about a great new website I discovered. It's called Occupy The Board Room, and it allows people to send "Pen Pal" letters to some of the 1% richest people in our nation.

I hope you'll check out the site, and write your own heartfelt letter to one of these wealthy individuals.

I wrote a letter to James Johnson, a board member of Goldman Sachs. (I wonder if he might be related to Jamie Johnson (of the Johnson & Johnson family), creator of the compelling documentary "The One Percent", which aired on HBO in 2006?)

Here's the letter I sent him. I hope he writes back!

Mr. Johnson: 

My name is David Lynch. I am a solo-preneur with my own graphic design business.
Up until a few years ago, I didn't mind working 60, 70, 80 hours a week, because I was building something for myself. 

In my mid 40s, I was able to buy my first home. I started building a SEP account for my retirement. I was close to meeting my financial goals. 

Then, the housing market tanked, and 75% of my diverse clientele either went bankrupt or cut back dramatically, leaving me with 1/4 of the workload I once had. 

I decided to act in the most financially responsible way I could. I agreed to a short sale of my home, but my bank wouldn't forgive the deficiency, so I went bankrupt to protect myself from that debt. Though I have simplified my life to the bare essentials, I still struggle to find enough work to meet basic expenses. 

I'm not complaining - I'm simply laying out the state of my life and how it's changed in the last few years. 

I'm learning to find satisfaction in simple things, like a warm, sunny day when I can go outside and listen to the birds, or a tight embrace from my daughter. I'm learning not to focus so much on the material things I may or may not have, but rather to find contentment in the relationships I have, and be satisfied that I  have access to enough food, clothing and shelter to live simply, in relative comfort. 

On occasion, I think about someone of your stature and wonder if you ever feel that sense of satisfaction? 

Is there ever a moment when you lean back in your executive chair, or in your garden chair and say to yourself, "Ahh! I've finally got enough. I am thoroughly satisfied with all I have!"? 

Or once an acquisition is completed, do you experience an anticlimactic sensation that leaves you hungry for the next merger, the next financial triumph? 

John Muir once said of billionaire railroad magnate E.R. Harriman, "I have all the money I want, and he hasn't." 

Do you think you'll ever reach a point when you have all the money you want - a time you can relax and enjoy the fruit of your labors? 

If not, and you continue on the quest for more riches, what goal do you hope to attain, besides increasing your net worth? How will you know when you reach that goal? 

You might well say to me, "Wait a minute, Mr. Lynch, do you have all the money you want?" 

And I would have to truthfully answer, "No." 

I want to be able to send my daughter to college, to provide decent health care for my family, to build a nest egg that affords a modest retirement. I do not currently have sufficient funds to accomplish these things. Those are my goals, and once I reach them, I will be able to say, "I've got enough. 

I wonder: if a few of the most wealthy people in our country were capable of saying "I've got enough", might there be enough for Americans like myself to meet our modest financial goals? 

And if that doesn't happen, aren't you at all concerned about the vast number of Americans who are beginning to stand up and say "I've had enough!" and have begun to work collectively to change the unfair distribution of wealth as it currently stands? 

I hope that you can see outside your personal realm and consider that the question "What is enough?" applies not only to your own personal estate and family, but also to the needs of the entire nation. 

We are all in this together. What you do affects the rest of us, and what we do also has the potential to affect you. 

I hope you consider helping create a nation where we all have enough. The rest of us are on that path. Our current call to action is "We are the 99%." However, I look forward to the day we can say, "We are the 100%." 

Enough said.

The Experiment Continues!

To my delight, yesterday Rebecca handed me a new task sheet - one she wants me to accomplish this work week (Monday - Friday).

If you're not familiar with The Experiment, please visit earlier posts on this blog.

My week's tasks are:

1) Start a new Vision Board. I had one at my old house in 2007, but Rebecca thinks it is in need of an update - and I think she's right. I am to work on this a little each day. I was delighted to receive this task, because I have been wanting to update the Vision Board (Dream Board), for quite some time. This task gives me permission to put some energy into it!

It's nice to look back on the old Vision Board and see some of the things on it that are now reality. The biggest one is of course "Passion - A Partner - The Perfect Fit". I created this Vision Board right after my separation - and just before I met Beth. It's amazing to think back on how this wish arrived via expedited delivery! Our relationship has been growing ever since, and we plan to get married soon. If I had to choose to have only one element on the Vision Board come true, it would be this one.

Lucky for me, that isn't the only item on the Vision Board that is becoming reality. There are other elements that I've achieved - and some goals that I am on the pathway toward accomplishing.

A few years ago, we did travel to a surprise destination - Alaska. And since 2007, I've also traveled to California, Maryland, Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York state, Virginia and West Virginia. Hopefully, a trip to Europe or back to the West Coast will come soon - I'd love to go back and visit more of my old friends on their own turf.

I've been on the path to spiritual growth, as well. I expect I'll be on this path the rest of my days. I have made meditation a fairly regular practice in my life. And I go to yoga class once a week - something I had never done before making this Vision Board!

I look forward to updating my Vision Board and continuing to chase my quests and muses. I'll post the new Vision Board once it's finished.

2) Visit Only 3 Media Sources (Monday only). Rebecca and I had a big discussion about this one. What she is asking me to do is release some of the weight that bad news lays on my shoulders by minimizing my exposure to all news.

I tried to explain that there are many news stories that I find positive and uplifting, like the hope and promise of the Occupy Wall Street protests. Rebecca asserted that news is news, and I should minimize my exposure to all of it. On Monday I adhered to the task, but today I allowed myself to check in at all my regular news sources.

Still, in the spirit of the task, I will continue the week minimizing my focus on what Rebecca would call "dreadful" news stories.

I'll let you know how I did with both tasks at the end of the week!

My Life Job Description

I have been thinking a lot about the state of my career lately.

I have identified myself as a graphic designer since 1984, when I got my first job at a greeting card company. A few years later, I started my own company. For over 27 years, I have labeled myself "graphic designer" - and during most of the time, I could confidently add the word "successful" to that moniker. During a good deal of my career, I also based nearly 100% of my self identity on that career.

However, with the changes in the economy, being a graphic designer has become a part-time enterprise for me. So lately when I think of the myself as a graphic designer, the association is accompanied by stress and negative feelings. Many descriptors come to mind, mostly negative - none are currently synonymous with the word "success".

If I were to base my estimation of my life solely on career right now, it would not be an attractive endeavor; it would be about as productive as hopping on a butt-kicking machine for a protracted round of gluteal smacks. I include the diagram above to remind myself how ridiculous that would be. And I need to be reminded frequently, because I engage in such mental self-spankings more often than I care to admit.

I've thought of a way to break this habit. The solution sounds simple enough: throw out the equation that states "career = life". However, after years of embracing this formula, I realize it's going to take some practice before I can abandon it completely.

One of the techniques I am using to break my acceptance of this faulty equation create a "life job description". Step one is to realize that my career is merely a fraction of my overall life job description.

This weekend, I declared that part of my life job description is "to be a good father".

I worked diligently at that job, especially this weekend. Beth was out of town, so I devoted most of the weekend to being with Rebecca - and not just being with her geographically. I paid close attention to her, dialogued with her, shared experiences with her. I made sure that I was as "present" as I could be.

We went to the farmer's market, I took her to her tennis lesson, then to the Fall Festival at Hickory Nut Gap Farm, then for ice cream. Once we returned home, I cooked dinner, and followed it up a backyard fire (complete with marshmallow roasting). Finally, we finished watching a kid's movie we had started. Sunday morning, we went to the local tennis courts and practiced together. I needed to spend much of the rest of the day painting the remainder of the exterior of my work shed, and I made sure to include Rebecca. She was a great help, wedging into a tight area and painting the portion I could not reach.

The best aspect of the weekend was that we didn't argue at all. Rebecca said that we may have had one minor disagreement, but she can't even remember what it was about.

By making "being a good father" part of my life job description, I was able to regard the weekend as a rousing success.

The next step is to further expand the list that constitutes my life job description. Doing so will help me feel more well-rounded, as well as minimize the negative impact of any elements that aren't going as well as I would like. I will make it a point to focus more on those list items which foster success and a sense of accomplishment.

Having many elements within my life job description allows for ebb and flow - some elements may take prominence while others may become less important. Creating a broad and flexible life job description opens the door for more opportunity. Who knows - maybe the element in my life job description that I currently categorize as my career will shift or change some day?