Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Experiment - Day 27

It's Day 27 of the Experiment where I must perform the tasks my 10-year-old daughter Rebecca assigns to me.

Yesterday went...hmmm. Well, it went - went by too quickly that is - and I didn't get to all the tasks. I did stick my hands in the earth. Initially, I felt silly squatting there with my hands plunged into a fallow garden bed. But I tried to think about all the things in the earth, all the creatures and plants whose energy had become the earth - how with my hands in the soil, I was connected with all that energy, clear down to the core of the earth. I imagined that energy helping me find my place and my path in this soup of energy and vibrating atoms.

I stayed in the garden and watered the beds for the cold crops - it's been very dry and the garden desperately needed a drink. My stomach was already churning with worries, so I thought that lingering out under the mild Autumn sun was going to feel good, but my guts kept roiling as I fretted about the tasks I was neglecting (especially my accounting chores), while watering.

I hate that. Why couldn't I just enjoy the moment and trust everything would be taken care of later?  I kept watering in an attempt to push back against the inner unrest - I did not want to let it win. I refused to let it interrupt the activity I was engaged in. The ball of unease in my belly rolled on, but I watered every bed until the job was done.

I did not go for a walk. I had a 3pm meeting with a potential client, and before that was determined to finish the accounting and some of the catch-up work that had eluded me all week. My finances had been hanging over my head all week like a pesky black cloud - I hesitated tallying the numbers because a part of me didn't want to know the status if it was bad. But I was stressing about not knowing anyway, so it made sense to get on with it - so I did. The result did not worsen or lessen my stress level, but at least the chore was behind me.

I also did not search further for my special place. Hopefully, this weekend will afford a few opportunities for that. I wanted to go up on the parkway this morning, but the girls negotiated for a trip tomorrow morning instead. Still I want to get out and do something - I feel restless.

Here's today's tasks:

  1. Go for an easy walk around our house - a short loop is fine.
  2. Peel 6 cloves of garlic for dinner tonight. Take your time!! Rebecca believes that Mother Nature created garlic to give us time while peeling it - to give us a chance to think and be taken away from work and worries. And, it also presents a delicious taste.
  3. Find your special place. (Rebecca wrote "secret place", but scratched out "secret" and wrote "special".) I hope to eventually find both a special place and my secret place somewhere in the mountains
I'll let you know how I did tomorrow.

Only 4 days left! As The Experiment nears completion, I am starting to wonder if it has benefitted me. Am I the exact same stressed-out, beleaguered soul I was when I started this Experiment? Has there been a subtle shift? If so, could the shift have been more pronounced had I tried harder?

I jokingly say of myself that I often worry that I don't worry enough. Is The Experiment helping me find a respite from that fretful state?


  1. Perhaps you should stop wondering what it is doing for you David and consider what it is doing for your relationship with Rebecca. It seems as though you've found your Boddhisattva. The garlic comment is very deep for someone of her age.

  2. It is helping bring Rebecca and I closer. I've gone out of my way in the last year to make some other personal life changes for the same reason.


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